Biscuit Friday: Don't give a raccoon a ride
Plus: Killer new crime fiction from Ace Atkins, new Southern tunes, and stunt brisket
Hey there! Happy Friday, and a special welcome if you joined us here from my column in the Seattle Times. Rolling out a new format for 2026 around here — the Tuesday deeper-dive column, and a less-serious end-of-the-week buffet we’re dubbing “Biscuit Friday.” Enjoy!
OK, so, I can’t set this story from Patch up any better than the lede here:
ROSWELL, GA — A Cherokee County man was recently bitten by an injured rabid raccoon he tried to save by wrapping it in a blanket with duct tape and driving it over an hour to a Roswell center that is not licensed to treat raccoons.
You’re already hooked, right? So let’s dig a little further into this. Apparently this Good-But-Not-Bright Samaritan — whose name is not given in the article, probably for good reason — spotted a raccoon yowling in the road. Being a kindly sort, he decided the wisest thing to do was to bring the raccoon right up to bitin’ distance.
He then put his coat around it and held the animal against his chest for at least (an) hour as he headed to the center, despite the business only being licensed to accept raptors, reptiles and amphibians.
Officials said while the man was en route, the raccoon was able to free its head and bit the man on his face and hands. He then drove home and wrapped the raccoon in a blanket with duct tape before resuming his journey toward the center.
Got excited when I saw “raptors” there, until I remembered that’s just another name for birds of prey. Too bad.
Anyway, although I know this poor guy suffered a lot for his compassion, I do kind of love the idea of this stupid raccoon wriggling loose and biting him in the face. Knock it off, raccoon! I’m trying to save you, you idiot!
This would have been just a story of a Cherokee County loon getting on the wrong side of wildlife, except for the fact that he showed up at a nature center, just as kids were letting out of a holiday camp, with a rabid raccoon in his car. There is absolutely no scenario in which this ends well.
Camp staff managed to wrangle the raccoon into a kennel, and officials noted that they got the man to go to a hospital “after much forceful insistence on our part.” You wouldn’t think you’d need anyone to insist you go to a hospital after getting bitten by — again — a rabid raccoon, but hey, some folks are just built different.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, you should probably steer clear of half-dead raccoons in the street. And, on the other side, if someone helps you out of a jam, don’t bite them in the face. It’s just common courtesy.
1980s + Atlanta + Russkies = Crime Novel Gold
Peter Bennett is a kid growing up in 1985 Atlanta absolutely convinced his mom is dating a Russian spy. And what he uncovers as he tries to expose the truth ends up getting a whole lot of people dead. Everybody Wants To Rule The World is Ace Atkins’ newest, and it’s flat-out jammed with killer references to 1980s Atlanta … where I happened to grow up. The Chattahoochee River, Sparkles roller-skating rink, Oxford Too Books, and so much more — it’s all in here, right up to the crucial scene that takes place in the same hotel where I had my high school prom. I loved it, and you will too, even if you don’t know Johnson Ferry from the Tooth Fairy.
Pick up Everybody Wants To Rule The World and all my other recommendations at the official Flashlight & A Biscuit bookstore at Bookshop.com.
Stunt Food of the Week: Behold the Brisket Behemoth
The Peach Bowl is tonight in Atlanta, and the fine folks at Mercedes-Benz Stadium have unveiled this monster in honor of the two schools participating. It’s a two-foot-long brisket with two halves:
Oregon side: Coleslaw, pickled onions, cherry bourbon BBQ sauce
Indiana side: Crispy onions, pickles, brown sugar BBQ sauce
Since I’m covering the game, I might need to house one of these big boys and grab a nap in the press box. I’m siding with Oregon on the sandwich and Indiana on the field.
Song of the Week: “Townies,” Wednesday
Right after graduating from college, I stuck around my college town and waited tables while I tried to get my writing career off the ground. And I was pretty happy doing it for a few months, too, until one of the townies pointedly reminded me that while I may have been a college kid before, I was a townie now. (I got the hell out of town shortly thereafter.) Anyway, Wednesday is a fantastic Southern emo-rock-wall of noise band, and I love their new album and this cut off of it.
Check out “Townies” and the rest of our recommendations at the Flashlight & A Biscuit Spotify playlist:
Because what you need is more me
I’ve spent this week in St. Louis, covering the U.S. figure skating nationals. And every time I’ve told friends I’m covering figure skating, they laugh and point and say, “You? You big football goof? What do you know about figure skating?” First of all: rude. Second: Figure skating kicks ass. Think of it this way: Imagine an NFL quarterback trained his entire life to lead one single last-minute, 80-yard touchdown drive … and if he makes one mistake, the drive is over, and he won’t get another chance for four years. That’s figure skating, bro. Third: I’m covering figure skating at the Olympics in Milan next month, so I thought I might want to, you know, learn about the damn sport.
More to come on all this later, but I filed a story on the incredibly talented skating duo that might not get the chance to compete because one of them is waiting on her citizenship application to come through. She has until Sunday at 2 p.m. Eastern.
Elsewhere at Yahoo this week, I wrote on:
Why the Bears-Packers marquee matchup is only available on Prime;
The potential matchup of No. 1 QBs as Indiana meets Oregon in the Peach Bowl;
The Buffalo Bills are ready to make another Super Bowl run, but the damn Patriots are back;
Ranking all 49 potential Super Bowl matchups (Spoiler: I’ve always liked Da Bears)
How the Eagles can erase a season’s worth of frustration in just a couple weeks
And, of course, go buy IRON IN THE BLOOD, my book on the Iron Bowl, even though both Auburn and Alabama have flamed out of the college football season with varying degrees of spectacle.
That’ll do it for this time around. Let me know what you think of the new format, and if you’ve got any stories, weird food, books or tunes I need to know about, drop me a line or leave a comment below. Have yourself a great weekend!
—Jay
Land Cat, Georgia
This is issue #173 of Flashlight & A Biscuit. Check out all the past issues right here. Feel free to email me with your thoughts, tips and advice. If you’re new around here, jump right to our most-read stories, or check out some of our recent hits:
Go watch Home Turn, our new show for NASCAR Studios
Hey, my new book is out!
What we lose when we lose print newspapers
Talking Southern culture with the great John T. Edge
Crime and college football, a glorious pairing
Our first documentary, on the famous Rama Jama’s diner in Tuscaloosa, Alabama
What does “Flashlight & A Biscuit” mean, anyway?
Keep in touch with me via email or Substack message:
And load up a to-go box before you leave:
If you dig this newsletter, share it with your friends. Invite others to the party, everyone’s welcome.
