Welcome to Flashlight & A Biscuit, my Southern culture offshoot of my work at Yahoo Sports. Thanks for reading, and if you’re new around here, why not subscribe? It’s free and all.
Today in F&AB #45: a special interview with someone who’s a little down on their luck these days.
It’s a little after 2:30 on Friday afternoon when the Atlanta Sports Curse slouches into a Gwinnett County franchise of a well-known fast-casual American bar & grille. I’m not going to lie, ASC looks like hell. ASC’s Lonnie Smith jersey hangs off slumped shoulders like laundry slung over a radiator, and a classic 1980s-era Hawks ballcap looks tattered, and not in an artfully distressed way either. ASC glances over at the brand-new ATLANTA BRAVES 2021 WORLD CHAMPONS scrawled on the drink-of-the-day chalkboard and shudders, and I don’t think it’s because of the terrible spelling.
Then ASC catches sight of me, and a transformation occurs. The shoulders go back, the strut begins, and a smirk 26 yards wide slinks across ASC’s face. Arms spread wide for an embrace, ASC approaches the table and our conversation begins.
No hugs. We’re not that kind of friends.
What are you talking about, buddy? We go way back. You remember when we first met?
Sure. 1982. The National League Championship series.
Now that was a good one! I caught y’all completely by surprise. Nobody in Atlanta knew they even played baseball in October, and here were the bumbling Braves in the playoffs! And the Braves go and take a lead in Game 1, Phil Niekro on the mound, and then, just two outs from it being an official game — it gets rained out! And they started the game over the next day, and the Braves got swept in three straight!
Oh, I remember.
Man. The good ol’ days, back when Atlanta was so happy just to make the playoffs that it didn’t matter they got completely jobbed. Anyway. Why’d you want to meet?
I wanted to see how you were holding up after … you know.
Right, right. Look, not going to lie here, it’s a little tough these days, what with all the good feelings and the parades and the goddamn pearls everywhere you look —
Don’t forget that the Hawks are on the upswing, and the Dawgs are annihilating everyone in their way.
Yes, that too. At least there’s the Falcons, right? Hey, did you see what time I got here—
2:32. It’s 28 to 3.
TWENTY-EIGHT TO — oh, yeah, I guess you did notice. By the way, did you see that they’re serving a Braves Bourbon Bacon Burger here? Pretty dangerous serving anything Braves-related in October, isn’t it? You know, ‘cause of the—
… risk of choking. Yes, I get it. We’ve been doing this dance for awhile, ASC. I know all your moves.
That’s hurtful, man. How long have we known each other? How many times have you written about me? How long have I lived in your head?
Way, way too long.
[A pint of Bacon Bourbon Beer and a plate of Bourbon Bacon Batter Bits arrives in front of ASC.] Ah, yes. Nothing says the ‘90s like sticky brown bourbon-bacon flavoring at a chain restaurant, you know what I mean? [ASC begins eating and reminiscing.]
The ‘90s. Those were good days. So much talent here, and only one ring. That’s when I really dug into everyone’s skulls. That’s when I really made y’all believe that this city didn’t deserve nice things. The Cleveland and Detroit Curses? Those clowns just bludgeon their fans into paste every year. Me? I give you hope … and then I take it away. Like Julian Edelman snagging a pass just before it hits the turf.
That’s pretty sick.
I know. I really should get some therapy.
So what happened this year? Why couldn’t you work your mojo with the Braves this time around? You sure had your chances.
Truth? I had a vacation already planned. Had an AirBnB for the week in Manhattan. New York’s pretty hospitable turf for a good ol’ Curse like me right now, you know. Ten years, no championships. And I figured, hell, the Braves would take care of themselves. My mistake.
I don’t believe you.
Wait, what?
Let me rephrase. I don’t believe IN you. I now don’t think you have nearly the power we all thought you did.
Almost 60 years of pro sports here and only three championships? Lot of room to spread out in Atlanta’s trophy’s case, champ. And just look at all those backbreaking losses!
Let’s look at them. Most of them came down to one play out of over a hundred. If Lonnie Smith keeps running, if Wohlers’ curve snaps two degrees more, if Matt Ryan doesn’t take a sack in the Super Bowl, if Tua throws that ball just three inches higher and out of reach … then we’re talking about Atlanta as the home of champions.
That word “if” is doing a whole lot of heavy lifting there, brother. Rationalize it all you want, you’ve got to admit, Atlanta has come up short in more cinematic ways than most teams.
Sure, up to this point. Flip a coin a hundred times and it’s not going to come up heads every time … but it could. You know that five of the Patriots’ six Super Bowl wins were by less than a touchdown? The Patriots are five plays from being the most snakebitten, cursed franchise in pro sports. Instead, they’re a dynasty. Who’s to say Atlanta’s not on the cusp of one of those dynasty runs right now?
[ASC spits out a mouthful of food] Sorry, did you just use “Atlanta” and “dynasty” in the same sentence? It’s like I’m not sitting right here in front of you.
You’re a manifestation of our collective fears and anxieties. You’re a relic from the ‘90s that we’re all trying to pretend never existed, like ska music, Austin Powers quotes … and chain American-casual restaurants.
[Through a mouthful of Bourbon Bacon Batter Bits] That’s some pretty heavy metaphysical personification for a Substack newsletter about Southern culture.
So’s the idea that a curse can spread like an oil slick over half a century. You know what the best part of the Braves’ World Series victory is?
That it took six games, so I got a whole extra game of watching this city pucker?
No. That it happened despite literally everything being tilted against this team. They lost their best player and their best pitcher … and got better. They had chance after chance to fold during the postseason … and they kept it together. If we’re going to believe that some curse looms over us all and darkens our common mood —
Thank you.
— then it stands to reason that there’s a sunrise out there as well. We have to believe the market will correct itself. But the truth is, there’s no such thing as curses, only tough times we push through and good times we enjoy.
Well, that’s just a lovely little sentiment. Just one more thing, though … you’re waiting to send this newsletter out until after Georgia plays Tennessee, aren’t you? Why’s that? Afraid of tempting fate?
Uh … can’t be too careful …?
I rest my case. See you next postseason!
This has been issue #45 of Flashlight & A Biscuit. Check out all the past issues right here. Feel free to email me with your thoughts, tips and advice. And if you dug this, share it with your friends. Invite others to the party, everybody’s welcome.