We're makin' it fast, 'cause we know you're in a got-damn hurry
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From the worst to the best, everything from America's finest whomp-rock band
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How can you be angry at a Waffle House? Well, these cranks found a way
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Don't think too much about what might lie beneath still waters.
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Grab some ice and bring your chair, there's drinking to be done
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On Memorial Day weekend, one story out of so many thousands.
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Reckoning with the sublime strangeness of a weird, dysfunctional sport that's as America as it gets
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Play that funky music while I buy some produce and antibiotics
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The crowd speaks — well, slurs — on a matter of utmost importance
It's the little things you miss when the big things go away
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Please note I did not say "win" a Waffle House brawl
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The best there ever was has gone silent. Drink up.
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