All hail the Luther Burger

It might be the last burger you ever eat, but what a way to go

Come to me, my pretties

Welcome to Flashlight & A Biscuit, my Southern culture/sports/music/food offshoot of my work at Yahoo Sports. Thanks for reading, and if you’re new around here, why not subscribe? It’s free and all.

Man, I love stunt food. You know, the ridiculous over-the-top creations you find at suggestively-named food trucks, captive-audience amusement parks, Instagram-thirsty pop-ups, the State Fair of Texas, trendy we-charge-extra-for-artisanal-ice restaurants, and — most often — at ballparks. Your resistance is already low at ballparks, you’ve got nothing to do but sit around and digest, and there’s at least a chance your team is losing … why not devour 5,000 or so calories of intestine-scouring delight?

For instance, check out the Bad Blood Waffle Fries, served at this year’s Bills-Chiefs playoff game:

That right there’s a full two feet of waffle fries, half topped with Buffalo chicken and bleu cheese, half with Kansas City barbecue pork, cole slaw and pickles. Your gastrointestinal tract will collapse like the Bills in January!

That too much for you? Let’s go for a more compact package. When in Cleveland, be sure to check out The Slider:

That is a hot dog topped with mac n’ cheese, bacon and Froot Loops. It is literally the exact meal I dreamed of when I was eight years old. I take back anything bad I ever said about you, Cleveland. (Sorry about that whole 1995 World Series thing.)

[Realization while writing this intro: I love this weirdness so much I’m going to make it a regular feature of this little newsletter. Any time you see bizarre stunt food, tag me on Twitter (@jaybusbee), email me here or leave it in our comments section.]

Anyway. To business. The truth is, I don’t really like eating stunt food, I just love admiring it, appreciating the work of culinary mad scientists doing the snack-food equivalent of sewing a dog’s head onto a monkey’s body¹: it sounds fun in theory, but wow, would it be a nightmare in reality.

It’s impossible to determine the origins of stunt food with any fidelity — for as long as there’s been food, there’s been some idiot looking to make it weird — but the founding father of the stunt food boom appears to be a glistening, glorious concoction known as the Luther Burger. Steel your arteries and prepare your bellies, friends, and let’s dive into this monstrosity.

The premise of the Luther Burger is simple: a hamburger with two donuts — specifically, Krispy Kreme glazed donuts — as its buns, plus bacon, cheese and maybe a fried egg if you’re feeling sassy. Brilliant, right? The heat of the burger melts the glaze, and the sugary sweetness of the donuts blends with the savory grease of the meat, and the juices all run together into one magnificent slurry, and … man, I’m going to need a defibrillator and a nap just typing all this.

As the legend goes, the burger was invented by Luther Vandross — ohhhh! That’s why it’s called the Luther Burger! — in a fit of late-night raid-the-fridge genius. Perhaps that’s true, perhaps it’s not. Worth noting: The silky-voiced Vandross had a massive hit with the song “Never Too Much,” and he suffered from diabetes and hypertension, so, you know, draw your own conclusions.

A bar in Decatur, Georgia, just outside Atlanta named Mulligan’s also claimed to have created the burger one night when it ran out of hamburger buns and substituted donuts instead. (How a restaurant would happen to have on hand multiple donuts, but no hamburger buns, is a bit of fact-checking we’ll set aside for now.)

There is anecdotal evidence that the loons at Mulligan’s were often the types to challenge God with their culinary creations, though. Also on the Mulligan’s menu was a beast called The Hamdog: a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty, deep-fried, then slathered with chili, cheese and onions, plopped onto a hoagie bun, and topped with a fried egg and a couple handfuls of fries. And for dessert: Fried Twinkies, coated with Cap’n Crunch and doused in chocolate and cherry sauce. That all sounds horrific and also exactly what I would like to eat at 2 a.m. to cap off a night full of bad decisions with the worst possible decision.

Alas, we will never know whether the Luther Burger was born at Mulligan’s, because like Vandross, Mulligan’s is no longer with us, and hasn’t been for some time. (The old sports bar’s neighbors won the new-tenant lottery — will it be a vape shop, pawn shop, tanning salon or brewery? — by getting a brewery in the Mulligan’s space. Hey, good for them!)

The appeal of these kinds of stunt foods is obvious, aside from the obligatory Instagram glamor shot. Eating a burger that you know is horrendous for you is an act of indulgence, yes, but also defiance. Sometimes you just want to dive deep into whatever the hell you want to eat, regardless of the consequences, and especially if authority figures have told you not to do it. “Life, Liberty and Luther Burgers” probably isn’t going to be the rallying cry for a revolution, but it could be … if the revolutionaries weren’t all suffering from severe intestinal distress.

So! If you’ve ever tried a Luther Burger, or any of these stunt foods, by all means let us know. How did it taste, and more importantly, how long did it take to recover?

---

Song of the Week: “Hunt You Down,” Kaitlin Butts

Ms. Butts released this song in this fine year of 2024, but it’s straight in the vein of Loretta Lynn or Dolly Parton, a woman not afraid to kick some ass (and drop a few f-bombs, which Loretta and Dolly couldn’t ever do) to make sure her man knows his role. This song won’t ever get played on the Grand Ole Opry, but it damn sure deserves to be:

Seriously, how can you not love a song with a heartfelt bridge like this:

I can't believe it, night after night
Life is so perfect when you walk the line
Baby, I love you so much
Don't make me kill you

Now that’s country music. Check out “Hunt You Down” and all the other tunes we’ve featured here on the ever-growing Flashlight & A Biscuit Spotify playlist. And if you’re so inclined, let me know what I should listen to next.

---

As Arkansas As It Gets

If you’re familiar with college athletics, particularly college football, you know there’s a lot of hand-wringing these days about athletes suddenly making millions of dollars for the use of their image — you know, like everyone else on earth always could. Strangely, the pearl-clutchers weren’t nearly this loud when coaching staffs started earning millions of dollars. Very few coaches are worth millions, but one who most definitely is currently works on the coaching staff of Arkansas Tech’s softball team. Give Mr. Wilson whatever he wants, the good boy.

(Yes, this is real.)

That’ll do it for this week, friends. Spring forward into March, and we’ll catch you right back here very soon.

—Jay
Land Cat, Georgia

(Pics via Apollo Burgers, Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Guardians)

---

This is issue #115 of Flashlight & A Biscuit. Check out all the past issues right here. Feel free to email me with your thoughts, tips and advice. If you’re new around here, jump right to our most-read stories, or check out some of our recent hits:

• Our first documentary, on the famous Rama Jama’s diner in Tuscaloosa, Alabama:

• “Until I see God or the checkered flag”: The best sports quote of 2024

• What’s the best present you ever got?

• The “you” in “All I Want For Christmas Is You” tries to explain himself on Christmas morning

• How Krispy Kreme conquered France

• A requiem for one of the truly great chroniclers of Florida Man

• What does “Flashlight & A Biscuit” mean, anyway?

Keep in touch with me via email right here. And load up a to-go box before you leave:

• The F&AB Spotify playlist

• The F&AB bookstore

• The F&AB Books, Beer & Barbecue map

If you dig this newsletter, share it with your friends. Invite others to the party, everyone’s welcome.

1. Please, mad scientists, do not do this. The dog would be able to get its own food, escape from its crate, and take you for a walk.